I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
