My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
