we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
