I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
