hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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