Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
