look no pants
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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