i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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