I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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