I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
