I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
