so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
