i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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