So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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