That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
