dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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