you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
