is your mom at the bar?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
