wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
