My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
