Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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