She is in my trunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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