i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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