A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
