I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think my moral compass just broke
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize