It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
