Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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