3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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