we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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