I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
