Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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