He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how does that bad decision feel?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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