my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
