john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
