I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
