saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
