i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
