make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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