tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize