He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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