Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MIDGETS
????
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
