i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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