just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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