my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize