lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
