Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
