Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
