Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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