But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
