So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
