I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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