I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
