maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
