Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
