Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
