I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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