My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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