I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
