Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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