Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
