that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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