We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
