did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
