i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
