I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
