Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
