phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
