How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize