At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
